


thinking out loud

by petitjisung



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Curses, Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mortality, Moving In Together, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Stargazing, Storytelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:34:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22043392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petitjisung/pseuds/petitjisung
Summary: darling your soul is evergreen
Relationships: Bang Chan/Everyone, Bang Chan/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 5
Kudos: 24





	thinking out loud

**Author's Note:**

> so i was listening to ed sheeran and i just got this idea and i really hope it's as soft as i intended it to be.  
> also! this is unedited, so i hope there are no typos & grammar mistakes. but if there are please point them out.

his eyes gleamed with stars, reflecting the sky that he so often described his love for. he looked so pale, but so bright, his skin glowing beneath the gentle streams of moonlight that illuminated the grass beneath them. jeongin waited with baited breath, his fingertips dancing with chan's. chan had asked to meet here, giving no reason as to why, and jeongin was worried for the outcome. 

then chan gave a quiet sigh, stuffing his hand into jacket pocket to pull out an old photo. it had to be from the early 1940s, as it was aged and printed in black and white. it was worn around the edges, but still kept in fair condition. jeongin handled it carefully, studying the two faces captured. his blood ran cold. 

there were two faces, one resembling an angel. he was young - had to be about jeongin's age - and gorgeous. his eyes were big and his cheeks were round and his smile was huge. he was tiny, and wearing the typical masculine 40s getup. his face, however, wasn't what caught jeongin off guard. he was wrapped up in the arms of who jeongin guess was a lover of some sort. the lover was youthful, likely in his early twenties, with a dark head of curls and a sculpted nose that jeongin knew all too well. 

chan. it was chan in the photo, and as much as jeongin wanted to believe that it was a fake, the frayed edges and vintage ink stood as hard evidence. this photo was real, and chan wasn't who he claimed to be. 

"you aren't twenty-six, are you?" the younger whispered, scared to speak any louder because if he did he knew he'd cry. chan gave a chuckle, shaking his head slowly. jeongin let out a shaky breath, hurriedly, but carefully, passing back the photograph. 

"is your name even chan? are you really a doctor, or is that made up? is everything made up?" he rushed out. chan sighed, reaching out to grasp jeongin's hand. the younger shook in his hold, scared. what was going on? this was all so strange, and hard to comprehend, and it was making jeongin's head hurt. 

"come back to my place, and i'll show you. no more secrets. it's time you know about me," chan said, his voice eerily calm. as though he'd done all of this before. as though jeongin wasn't the first panicking soul he'd had to comfort. 

and so jeongin agreed. 

"i'm sorry i've never brought you here before," chan said as he gently rested a hand against jeongin's thigh. the duo were sat in chan's vintage car - had chan purchased this car during the decade it originated from? - driving in otherwise silence. jeongin nodded in acknowledgement, his thoughts swarming too much to respond. 

"it's quite... old. and the decor isn't quite from this time. i'm sure you can understand why i've kept you from it, and i'm sure you'll further comprehend my actions when you explore my home." now that his secret had been exposed, chan spoke with more formality, freely living in his truest, oldest form. as he spoke, the car pulled up to a house that had clearly been built in the 60s or 70s. it was large and well-kept, but the outer design appeared old, a remodel long overdue. even so, jeongin found the simple dwelling quite charming. chan killed the engine, and two ventured into the house. 

"berry, kiel, i'm home!" chan called as he dropped his key ring on the table by the door. he kicked off his shoes, and gestured for jeongin to do the same as two energetic dogs rushed into the front room. one was small and had a mix of white and brown fur, while the other was a large golden retriever. they barked upon seeing chan, both jumping up to receive head pats from chan, and chan indulged them enthusiastically. he cooed and crooned, showing his affection openly, and jeongin reminded himself that this was his chan. this was the same man he'd grown to love, not some weird stranger. this was his lover. 

"okay," chan huffed out, giving kiel one last pet before beckoning jeongin to follow him into a side room. the room itself was an office, with a desk, a bookshelf, and a small table with matching chairs. jeongin noticed a pile of photo albums on the floor, organized in backwards chronological order. the ones on the bottom seemed to be falling apart at the spines, but chan apparently had a very specific reason for keeping them. 

"come sit with me," chan requested, seating himself in the chair closest to the photo albums. he gestured to the chair beside his, and jeongin willingly sat down. he gazed at chan expectantly, watching as the older picked up the first album. his own name was printed on the cover in black ink, the characters small and delicate. jeongin hesitantly took it, opening it to the first page. a photo of chan and jeongin greeted him, and jeongin could tell that it was from their first date. the younger male smiled fondly, reliving the memories. he was so nervous that day. 

as he flipped through, he became conscious of chan's love for him. there were many photos of him taken without him noticing, others with chan's arms around him, others just printouts of the photos jeongin had previously sent. 

"i keep a photo album full of photos of the ones i've fallen for. you're number eight, and i think you just may be the last," chan hummed, allowing jeongin to exchange the photo book in his hand with the next in the pile. this one had the name 'jisung' written on the front, in the same delicate handwriting as before. jeongin opened it up, the very first page being a photo of chan and a pretty squirrel-like boy embracing. the boy was young, dressed in an outfit jeongin thought he'd find in the early 2000s. 

"han jisung, age twenty-three. he died four years ago of a rare heart condition that ran in his family," chan whispered, looking down at the next album in the pile. jeongin's breath hitched, his fingertips turning the page. as the book progressed, so did jisung's sickness. the final page held a photo of jisung's tombstone. jeongin let out a shaky breath, exchanging the album for the next. this one read 'minho.' the first page held chan and a beautiful young man with catlike eyes. they were hugging, like in every photo, except this male was sad in the eyes. the last picture was another tombstone. 

"lee minho, twenty. suicide. his depression went untreated, and he threw himself in front of a bus. he died in '97." jeongin hurriedly passed it back for the next. this one was 'seungmin.' the boy looked frail, cuddled up in chan's arms. as jeongin flipped through, seungmin grew thinner and paler. again, a tombstone. 

"kim seungmin, nineteen. he had a bad case of anorexia. he wasn't treatable. he died of dehydration and starvation in '89." the next was 'woojin.' he was stronger, larger than the others. he had a boyish smile and a bear face. he seemed fairly healthy, up until the final page. a tombstone. 

"kim woojin, twenty-eight. he was perfectly healthy. mauled by a bear. he died in '75." then came 'hyunjin.' he had thick lips and long legs. he was by far the prettiest of the group. he seemed fairly healthy as well, and again there was a sudden death. 

"hwang hyunjin, twenty-two. he had diabetes. he went into diabetic shock and couldn't reach his insulin. he passed in '66." next was 'changbin.' he was buffer than woojin, but shorter than chan. his photos were lively, and focused mainly on him either smiling or flexing. another sudden stone. 

"seo changbin, thirty. another healthy one. he fell off a pier one day and they never found his body. so they buried an empty casket two months later. it was '54." the final album was 'felix.' he was the pretty angel-faced one that chan had first shown him a photo of. the picture on the first page was a duplicate of the one chan kept in his wallet. this boy seemed healthy at first. he was a bit on the thin side, but overall he glowed with healthiness and happiness. as jeongin flipped through, he began to notice that the smiles grew faker and faker, and eventually the final photo of him showcased a worried face staring behind the photographer, his eyes wide with fear. then came the tombstone. jeongin's stomach churned. 

"felix lee, eighteen. my first. a stalker was following him and sending him letters for months, getting closer and closer. and eventually he tore the love of my life from our home, with me sleeping just down the hall. we found his body three months later, tortured and raped. it was '43 when we buried him." jeongin let out a shuddering breath, clapping the album shut and abruptly dropping it on the table. 

"now you know me, jeongin. you know who i am, who i've loved. now i ask that you stay. stay with me, here, in the house i built for the final one. in the house i built for you," chan pleaded, coming to kneel before jeongin's chair. the younger stared down at chan with uncertainty swirling in his gut. he didn't even know what chan was, let alone how he'd been alive since long before the forties. how could he make such a decision in such little time. 

"i-i... i'm not sure. chan, i love you. you know that better than anyone. i just... i don't even know what you are. how have you lived for so long, chan?" jeongin whispered, cupping the elder's cheek when he looked down with tears shining in his honey brown eyes. 

"i'm... i'm not like others, jeongin. that much is clear. i'm cursed. i've been cursed to walk this earth and fall in love with seven. each of them will suffer an untimely death, and i will be helpless to prevent it. you're the eighth, jeongin. you're the one i've been waiting my whole life for. i can finally grow old with the man i love," chan responded, his hands desperately grasping his younger lover's. jeongin thought for a long moment. he was the last? chan's curse had ended. chan could love him, and he would be safe from harm. the idea wasn't so bad; growing old with chan sounded ideal. they'd raise berry and kiel together, and they'd live together in this house that chan built. they'd plant a vegetable garden, and bake together. chan could tell him all about his adventures and conquests. it seemed as though his mind had made itself. he wanted a future with his channie. 

"okay," jeongin murmured. "i'll be with you. for as long as forever lasts, i'll be with you." chan's grin was breathtaking, and his hug nearly suffocated jeongin. the duo giggled together, tears of utter euphoria shining in chan's glittering eyes. 

and they shared a kiss of complete adoration, holding one another as close as possible. and everything was okay. the world felt as it should; it felt like fate had finally decided to spare bang chan's brittle heart, and had finally chosen to give jeongin a bit of happiness. 

everything was perfect, and it would stay perfect for as long as forever lasted. 


End file.
